I'm back from my travels, a few days late, but safe and well rested even after the unexpected 20 hour train ride I had to endure, but more about that later.
A story of humiliation to share before the good times begin...
There are infinite ways to embarrass oneself, I know. During my first lecture on American culture, I found yet another one.
As part of the deal to get free reign to travel, my waiban asked me to give the first presentation on American culture. Each teacher has one slot a semester. This didn't scare me. I enjoy public speaking, most of the time, and have even competed at the state and national level in various speaking contests. I can comfortably speak about STDs, domestic violence and even act like a crazed victim of the Salem Witchcraft Trials. None of that, however, prepared me for the crucifixion of the Chinese student audience. It could unnerve Obama, I'm sure of it.
In my naiive mind, I thought it would be easy, despite the warnings from the veteran teachers of S2 (a letter combination threat I didn't understand and undoubtably neither will you--until you've experienced the horror.) Did they know any English? For some, it was questionable.
Still, unaware, I prepared a 70 slide powerpoint presentation, the title American Cult Obsessions: Fantasy. I defined the popular genre and detailed the presentation with odd, quirky, (in my mind), facts and pictures about the big 3--Harry Potter, Twilight and Lord of the Rings. I was quite proud. I even had a definition from Urban Dictionary of a Twihard. (Just say it aloud and try not to break a smile.)
My fellow teachers laughed hard and wished me in a tone too serious, good luck.
The talk was suppose to be informal and the crowd was moderately small, the freshmen had yet to arrive from military training. I smiled, this will be fine, a good warm up for when my real teaching days begin.
Then it all happened like a slow motion train wreck that no one could stop. The powerpoint didn't work. I had saved the new version of the program and the old computer couldn't run it.
"Can you wing it?" Lily, the Chinese teacher watching over, asked.
"Uh, a;lskdfj." Inaudible noises, not words, tumbled out my mouth.
It was hopeless. We both knew it was a request, not a question.
My voice cracked on the microphone, hello. They echoed me back in a lion roar, HELLO!
The details after that are fuzzy as I've already tried to block them from my memory.
It involved a lot of nervous laughter, forgotten slide details, blank stares, etc, etc, etc. Twihard soon became a long lost joke. If I believed the hands raised, only two people in the room had seen HP. That's a Chinese classroom lesson of a lie. I tried to coax their enthusiasm with candy, however, the group moaned with disapproval as I waved the sugary treats in the air. Fail, again. In the back row, the other new teachers watched and grimaced. In their agnony for me, Gillian bit off two of her nails in nervousness and Wes pinched his cheek gums, in a failed attempt to stop the flow of his laughter.
Then the worst happened.
As I tallied the Team Jacob/Team Edward score (yes, that's real, I was desperate), I watched the chair wobble in space and crash on the stage from my not so gentle collision with it. My face resembled the over ripe stage of a cherry tomato, but I didn't move a muscle to pick up the chair. Neither I nor the students acknowledged the thunderous tumble, except for my foreign teacher friends in the back row, bursting with laughter.
I was their entertainment for the evening.
When I finished, Jacob had an embarrassing 2 votes. One being mine. Communism has still left its mark in the Chinese classroom and no one likes to be singled out, especially singled out with the current mess I was.
The pain continued for another TWO hours of roasting. Throughout students darted the presentation in a not-so-subtle shuffle out the door. I believe we all wondered, when will this end? Finally, during my screening of the Twin Towers, the bus driver signaled my end, it was time to go.
I had survived, but I needed a stiff drink.
A story of humiliation to share before the good times begin...
There are infinite ways to embarrass oneself, I know. During my first lecture on American culture, I found yet another one.
As part of the deal to get free reign to travel, my waiban asked me to give the first presentation on American culture. Each teacher has one slot a semester. This didn't scare me. I enjoy public speaking, most of the time, and have even competed at the state and national level in various speaking contests. I can comfortably speak about STDs, domestic violence and even act like a crazed victim of the Salem Witchcraft Trials. None of that, however, prepared me for the crucifixion of the Chinese student audience. It could unnerve Obama, I'm sure of it.
In my naiive mind, I thought it would be easy, despite the warnings from the veteran teachers of S2 (a letter combination threat I didn't understand and undoubtably neither will you--until you've experienced the horror.) Did they know any English? For some, it was questionable.
Still, unaware, I prepared a 70 slide powerpoint presentation, the title American Cult Obsessions: Fantasy. I defined the popular genre and detailed the presentation with odd, quirky, (in my mind), facts and pictures about the big 3--Harry Potter, Twilight and Lord of the Rings. I was quite proud. I even had a definition from Urban Dictionary of a Twihard. (Just say it aloud and try not to break a smile.)
My fellow teachers laughed hard and wished me in a tone too serious, good luck.
The talk was suppose to be informal and the crowd was moderately small, the freshmen had yet to arrive from military training. I smiled, this will be fine, a good warm up for when my real teaching days begin.
Then it all happened like a slow motion train wreck that no one could stop. The powerpoint didn't work. I had saved the new version of the program and the old computer couldn't run it.
"Can you wing it?" Lily, the Chinese teacher watching over, asked.
"Uh, a;lskdfj." Inaudible noises, not words, tumbled out my mouth.
It was hopeless. We both knew it was a request, not a question.
My voice cracked on the microphone, hello. They echoed me back in a lion roar, HELLO!
The details after that are fuzzy as I've already tried to block them from my memory.
It involved a lot of nervous laughter, forgotten slide details, blank stares, etc, etc, etc. Twihard soon became a long lost joke. If I believed the hands raised, only two people in the room had seen HP. That's a Chinese classroom lesson of a lie. I tried to coax their enthusiasm with candy, however, the group moaned with disapproval as I waved the sugary treats in the air. Fail, again. In the back row, the other new teachers watched and grimaced. In their agnony for me, Gillian bit off two of her nails in nervousness and Wes pinched his cheek gums, in a failed attempt to stop the flow of his laughter.
Then the worst happened.
As I tallied the Team Jacob/Team Edward score (yes, that's real, I was desperate), I watched the chair wobble in space and crash on the stage from my not so gentle collision with it. My face resembled the over ripe stage of a cherry tomato, but I didn't move a muscle to pick up the chair. Neither I nor the students acknowledged the thunderous tumble, except for my foreign teacher friends in the back row, bursting with laughter.
I was their entertainment for the evening.
When I finished, Jacob had an embarrassing 2 votes. One being mine. Communism has still left its mark in the Chinese classroom and no one likes to be singled out, especially singled out with the current mess I was.
The pain continued for another TWO hours of roasting. Throughout students darted the presentation in a not-so-subtle shuffle out the door. I believe we all wondered, when will this end? Finally, during my screening of the Twin Towers, the bus driver signaled my end, it was time to go.
I had survived, but I needed a stiff drink.
baaaahahahaha! I first literally laughed out loud over your Salem Witchcraft Trials reference. As I read on, images of what I can only assume this presentation looked like kept popping into my head...what a great first impression!
ReplyDelete